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| i've been a "christian" since i was 7. i went to an easter service that "scared the hell" out of me. i didn't wanna be on fire, so i said the prayer, got baptized, and then forgot about it and went on living my life. sure, i made a big effort not to curse, or drink or smoke. all that good stuff. it's like i was saying,"oh..yeah, thanks Jesus, for dying for me. i'll try to be good from now on." and that was it. but a fews years ago, something hit me that i was missing the whole idea. and that idea was Love. God isn't trying to just make me a good kid. God is inviting me into this new life, where He can show me His great love for me. He wants me to know that there's another way, another world is possible and another world exists, and that we can enter into when we leave here. this world where there is no hate, no greed, no selfishness, nothing but Love, everyone living in peace. He even came here and lived a perfect life, and then took on all our sins and died on the cross so that we could have this new life. He loves us so much and He wants us to love Him too. But He doesn't want to force us to love Him, like robots or something, so He gives us a choice. and how can we love God? by loving others. these two things, Jesus says, sum it all up. and how do we love others? by living like Jesus, who was a humble, homeless, servant. Jesus said to be the greatest you have to be the least, a servant to all. so we serve others and, in doing so, serve the Lord with our lives. this is life for me. this is where i find my peace, my freedom, my purpose, my joy. and until now, i've been very quiet about it because i didn't want to offend someone. but i'm coming to realize that maybe the most offensive thing i could do is to try to hide this Love from someone and keep them from having it. so i don't want to convert you all, or score some points for God. but i want you to know that'd if you want to talk, i'd love to talk.. about the homeless, the sick, the lonely and forgotten, about peace, about love, about anything! or even if it's about Jesus, that'd be fine too :)
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what kind of christianity is this where we don't trust in God anymore? we don't think that God will take care of us. we trust in money. we don't love anymore. we think only of ourselves, while there is a world of people out there who are homeless, starving, lonely, and hopeless. or people who just need a friend. and what are we worried about? ourselves, our own well-being. we don't trust anymore, we don't love, we don't share, we don't laugh, we don't hope. how can we live lives so separated from the life of Christ and call ourselves christians? what are we spending our time doing? we care more about what we look like on sunday than someone freezing on the street or children drinking poop water in africa. i just want to see us totally trusting in God, completely devoted in Christ. me, my christian friends, my family, all followers.
just had to get it out.
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i type out long, deep entries and then usually end up deleting them cause they don't make a lot of sense. but usually the little bit of sense that they do make always boils down to one point, which is that i need to focus on serving others and serving the Lord. with all my heart. but this little tidbit of knowledge always seems to slip into the back of my mind when i need it most.
it's hard when we grow up in a society that trusts in money, a society that tells us to work towards our own individual well-being and success. forget about everyone else. survival of the fittest. but i believe that if we give our lives to others, if we love with all our might, then all that other stuff is already done. we will be well, and successful. maybe not physically, but mentally, spiritually. after all, Jesus commands us simply to love God and love others. He says, "whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." and i know first hand. i have found my life most when involved in the lives of others and therefore serving God.. so why can i not just do that always? ... oh right. that human nature thing. dumb. hah.
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Lord, you are love. You are above it all. And I'm here below, being swayed by the slightest breeze, being torn down. I know that You have plans for me, to prosper me and not harm me. But I've become weakened to the point of no self-confidence. I can't make a single decision on my own because I'm afraid of what the world will think. I can't see Your plans for me because I'm blinded by my need to please them. Rather than standing firm in my faith, I'm pushed side to side by the slightest breeze. Lord, I want to regain my trust in You, and regain my self-confidence and my contentment in You. I want to stand firm in You again.
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"...and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:38-39
this verse is always wake up call to me. He stresses that if we don't take up our crosses and follow Him then we are not worthy of Him. i think of all that the cross symbolizes. we must be ready to suffer. we must love, even if we are facing death. we must try to live a life like Christ lived. and if we don't, then we are not worthy of Him. and then i look at my life. who am i serving with my life? myself or the Lord? He says just before this..
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me..."
am i looking to serve my family or the Lord? but if i can forget about my own wants or hopes and give my life to Him, then i will actually find my life. for He knows what's best for us and for our families.
i also read recently that when we speak of talents, we are actually referencing Jesus' talents parable. Matthew 25:14-30. The master gives his servants so many talents (over 1000 dollars). the wise ones put their money to work. the unwise one hides it so no one will take it. he is then considered a wicked, lazy servant. i guess, in the same way, God gives us talents that we are to use.
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